Step Twenty-Four: {Pseudo}Land art and Internet connection failure...

Dear Fi,

I am waving at you from super hot and sunny Osoyoos (I finally got the spelling right!). This is actually all I wanted to write today ha, ha. No, this is not true; I would love to write about so many things that I don’t even know where to start. Actually, I don’t want to write about these things, I would love to talk with you, see your face, and hear your immediate feedback. Besides it’s really hot. And when it’s hot I feel weak and lazy ha, ha.

I wish I didn’t have to do anything just lie down and breathe. But this Dear Fi is not possible while camping with children. I won’t write much today, especially because I’m using my husband’s laptop (without a mouse) and it’s taking me forever to navigate here. I have no idea how I will put this post together. I hope it won’t take me the whole night ;)

I decided to go “easy” today or at least this is what I thought. I wanted to try a land art. You know that I’m in love with everything that this man is doing (I mentioned him in my 365). So I saw a perfect opportunity to try something new today, I am close to nature, the place is beautiful, and I didn’t take any paints or brushes with me…

It turned out that what I did today was an amateur attempt to create something with six leaves ha, ha, not to do any interesting land art. First, it was really hard to find leaves, so I stole a few from the beautifully groomed campground. Then, it took me some time to figure out the surface to put the leaves on and to take the pictures. Finally, when I was ready the leaves started to whither. Lesson number one – don’t use delicate leaves for your land art, unless you are working at light speed and if you don’t care to document the process or record the end effect. Lesson number two; ask yourself if what you are planning to do is really worth wasting the leaves. I don’t want to say that I had a traumatic experience with those six poor leaves but that it didn’t make me feel great looking at the silly pictures and afterwards at the dead leaves.

So, I decided to try working with stones, and some rare findings my mom brought form her recent trip to Tofino (she left Calgary one week before us with my husband’s mom and we met in Osoyoos last Friday). I wasn’t happy with this either – I wish I could have found something else for the background, instead of that old dish rag ha, ha.

So, my last attempt included yummy cherries, they were already dead, or awaiting death by eating, so at least they had some fun before they disappeared in our mouths.

LOVE :*
Sylvia

P.S.
I miss you too! How weird is that?

P.S.'
A lot of things already happened on this trip…, from powerful dreams in the middle of the “Meadows in the Sky” parkway in Revelstoke, through meeting bears, eagles, snakes and lots of never seen before birds, reading Danielle LaPorte “FFS”, to contemplating if moving to Osoyoos buying a fruit stand and leading a low key life might be my true calling…

I am asking myself what I really want to do, what really brings me joy, what make me feel alive, when I feel blissful and whole… And I don’t know if it’s the years of my own and social conditioning, or my fear or just not knowing myself – but I cannot find the answers…

P.S.''
Dear Fi! We came back yesterday. This post was written last Tuesday in Osoyoos, but due to the problem with internet connection I couldn't post it :(
See you tomorrow :)

Picture below - taken especially for you :*

Step Nineteen: Stones and circles...

Dear Fi,

Stones again. I really like the pictures above. Very symbolic, very at the right moment for me. It is funny, because the symbolism of these two pictures is really stronger now than when I arranged the stones to photograph them. I didn’t put a lot thought into it, it was a natural, simple, and rather quick movement he, he.

I am currently taking a class about group work. I am also involved in some group work and training outside of the University (working with a Wise Woman again!). Somehow stones always bring the image of a circle, and the circle represents the connection between people sharing time/space together. Sacred circles... especially women’s circles.

The wild flowers, brought home by my three and half year old daughter, and placed in my favourite wine glass are so beautiful yet so simple. At first I though that they symbolize a leader. An authentic, charismatic, visionary, compassionate person. A living inspiration. When people approach a leader like this, they naturally form a circle around her, they want to be close, and to follow her. But then I understood that the flowers are so different from the stones, they are not the same kind. I also thought that a true leader would rather sit in the circle together with other women, instead of putting herself in the centre.

So I decided that these flowers symbolize a higher power, universe, great spirit, goddess, holiness, consciousness, energy, a whole... The list goes on but I will stop here Dear Fi, because I got carried away ha, ha. {And if I don’t stop now I will write my master thesis on the power of women’s circles, creativity, and spirituality. Actually... I might do this one day when I get bored and have lots of free time ha, ha - so probably never}.

Anyway, I cannot concentrate while writing this post. Lots of things are going on in my life right now. All amazingly good, and inspiring, I feel uplifted and I feel like I am on the right path, and I am so excited. However, the thing is, there is nothing concrete to share because all that is happening is happening on the inside, still in process, still hasn’t taken a form, still very raw.

OK, I will just try now to jump and quickly say a few words about my project, shall I?

First of all I thought I would be done with my project in an hour (haven’t I learned anything yet so far???). I prepared the stones yesterday, I found them, collected them, and washed them. I was ready to start painting them right after waking up. I didn’t need to choose colours I knew what colours I would use before even realizing that I would paint the stones. These stones are a gift for a special woman, and I had planned to get something done for her since January (BTW, no this is not the longest it has taken me to finish a project, so two years for your Kususama ball isn’t really that bad, trust me!).

Anyway, I digress again. The point is that I have had many ideas for this gift in the last couple of months, I even shared one with you in post number 6 and 7, where I talked about painting nine hearts for her. Honestly, I think I just wasn`t ready, not even busy, there were weeks I could simply do something and it would be done. But I didn`t wanted to have it done, I wanted to put my whole heart into it and I wanted this project to bring a “special kinds of feelings” he, he.  Did that sound weird? Not for me.

So, everything was prepared, I was ready and eager to paint... only to discover right after I started to paint that something strange happened to my eyes. The sad thing is, Dear Fi, that my eyes are getting older, and somehow I totally didn`t expect this to happen so soon. I just couldn’t see properly. This is why instead of painting these stones in a few hours it took me a half day to finish today’s project. And when I finally did, the sun disappeared and while taking the last pictures on my patio, it started to rain.

 

Now, to end it somehow ;)

1. I’m very happy with the end result, and yes lots of “special kinds of feelings” were floating above these stones today :) he, he

2. I need to IMMEDIATELY schedule an appointment to an optometrist!!!

3. Finally... this post totally sucks, I have no idea what I was writing about and what I actually wanted to say. It is a great example of “How NOT to write”. I’m in a hurry and in the middle of my spring session. So, besides all of the great things {I wish I knew how to put them into words today} I have some serious work to do tonight.

Love

:*

Sylvia

Step Fifteen: Stones...

Dear Fi,

I’m scribbling these words in my notebook at my daughter’s dance class. I have about 45 minutes of waiting, so I need to use this time to write this post otherwise I will have no chance to do this today. Just to be clear - no, I haven’t finished my paper yet. Ha, ha. I know - pathetic - but I’m not going there today. It will be done pretty soon.

In the meantime lets talk about my project ;)

Stones.

I thought about painting them a long time ago. So, yesterday I went for a walk in the neighbourhood and I picked up a few. Later at night when I couldn’t write anymore, I washed them and started to paint. I didn’t think about any design. I just painted and tried to listen and see what the stones wanted me to do. Weird? Maybe... but this was the process I used. I painted almost all of them.

So today I had to finish painting the few I had left. Then I needed to paint over all of them - at least three layers of each colour, so they would be more visible. Then I took the pictures.

I don’t know about you my Dear but I think they look happy now ha, ha.

I have no idea how to put this thought together in a way that makes sense, because I’m intellectually drained. However, I will try, because it is something I was contemplating lately. I’ve painted stones before. I remember one small show I had for a group of people here in Calgary. I brought my paintings, some of them 48” x 48” big, and other artwork I was proud of only to discover that most people gathered around a small table where I had put a poster with two stones. The stones’ purpose was to keep the poster from falling off the table but they got the most attention. So, I was even more disappointed when everybody started to compliment me on the turtle stone. Not that I didn’t like it, but the other one was actually my favourite, not to mention that the turtle stone stole all the attention from the other things I brought.

Last week I talked with my lovely brother through Skype - so I could see his face when he checked our blog. It was the “Play” post he saw first and then I could see his disappointment. He said it looked like Amelie or Bruno painted this (and that was the point ha, ha!). And then he asked me if I still painted my mandalas. I told him that I cannot paint the same things I painted more then 15 years ago, that I have changed...

I would like to think that I grew and that my artwork evolved through all of these years with me. I feel like it did. I feel more free and more confident. I could never paint something “against” myself, and I still cannot. I need to believe in what I’m doing and I need to trust the process to be able to honestly express myself. I always thought that my art in some way mirrors my life. Picasso said that “painting is just another way of keeping a diary” and I think that he was totally right.

So, today my Dear Fi I look at these stones and I feel happiness. I look at these stones and I see the power of simplicity and the confidence of choice. I look at them and I smile :)

:*

Sylvia

Step Seven: Stillness, journalling, and a hot stone massage...

Dear Fi,

My goal for today is to keep this post short ha, ha. The last one was so long and boring that I had a problem reading it while editing it. As you can see even my titles are long ;) Actually... there is nothing else to add, everything that was important is included in this title.

For the whole week I thought about painting these nine hearts I mentioned in last post. The image was still very alive and I already have a recipient for this painting in my mind. However, yesterday I posted my photo in our Unravelling 365 flickr group and I wasn’t able to stop thinking about it. I noticed a shift. There was no more space for cute hearts in my head, only stillness.

I kind of regretted that I hadn’t painted my hearts before the energy changed because now I have no idea when I will paint them. It happen sometimes, it happened with my idea for the first post for our blog and for a few other small projects.

The first inner image I saw was my photo covered in writing, and before falling asleep there was more images coming. It was a very strong feeling of certainty that something important will emerge. Honestly, I fell asleep with ambivalent feelings, I was probably as much excited as I was scared. However, I’m very happy that I followed my inner voice.

There were three important factors which allowed me to create today’s piece. First, I made a tremendous discovery last Sunday. For the first time in my life I scheduled a hot stone massage. During and after the massage I experienced a deep state of relaxation which lead me to a glimpse of stillness. Second, I’m currently in the process of working with Christina Baldwin’s book, and this is a place where I found lots of quotations that resonated with me. I used some of them in my work today. Third, I decided to try a new format a "journal page" to work on this project.

I’m sure that you agree Dear Fi, that there are some experiences in life that deserve recording. There are significant moments we don’t want to forget. The marks we would like to be reminded of. The {extra}ordinary passages, annotations of the changes we want to learn from. There are the moments which allow us to somehow measure our growth. Today’s artwork is one of them.

When I looked at this journal page after creating it I was surprised by how many messages I was able include. How many more I hid and I still need to discover? Because working on this piece was an intuitive process for me, when I look at it, I’m not concerned about it’s artistic value, but about the value of the messages I was able incorporate into this one page. If I wanted to describe in my journal what I was able to “describe” here it would take me many pages, not one. So today’s experiment was a meaningful endeavor for me. 

There are a few details I would like to share with you Dear Fi. So, it is official now that this post won’t be shorter than the previous one ha, ha ;)

One of my favourite fragments of this journal page is the shape in the upper left corner. It reminds me of a human heart, and it was created by a totally spontaneous action. My daughter who was painting beside me had a small piece of paper loaded with these colours I noticed while working on my project. It was an impulse, I just picked up this paper from a table, I blotted it a few times on different piece of paper and then pressed it to my page. I was very surprised by the effect and also by my behaviour. When I started to work on my piece I had a sense of what kind of tones I would like to incorporate. I wanted to keep it “black and white” with some elements of gray, ivory and maybe some traces of sepia. The colours red and purple weren’t even on my table. So the “heart” happened and it has a deep meaning in my interpretation of this page, as well as the fact that it came through my daughter...

The word “Live”, which I glued before I added the heart, came from a Japanese newspaper (there were only two English words in two different spots on the page I inherited: “Live” and “always”). The newspaper’s page was tucked inside a box with Danbo, as you already know a lovely Valentine's Day present I received from my husband this year... I have no idea why I kept this page until today.

The stones below my photo are the ones I photographed during The Wilderness Retreat and later used for my 365 project. They are also a representation of the hot stone massage and my deep connection with stones. This is why I added fingerprints on the first two stones, to symbolically show the connection. I learned an interesting fact about the origin of the hot stone massage in this article. Native Americans used hot stones for healing. Mary Nelson, a native of Tucson, Arizona, developed a technique called LaStone Therapy where both hot and frozen stones are used. A hot stone massage is a “spa" version of this original massage. So, as you might guess LaStone Therapy ended up on my 2010 “to-do” list immediately.

The last thing before you fall asleep my Dear ha, ha, is about the quotations I included in my journal page. There were more “words of wisdom” ;) which resonated with me. However, I didn’t want to make this piece look busier and there was not enough space to add more words.

So, now the final word {seriously!}:
Week by week I feel more grateful for this place, for this commitment, for the fact that you agreed to be my fellow journeyer, that you are here to play with me and to witness the process of my discoveries. Thank you!

:***

Sylvia

P.S.
The CD on one of the pictures is the one I’m listening to lately. Beautiful Sade: “Soldier of Love”.