Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Step Nine: Finding a home for my soul...
Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.
It’s 10:12 PM, and I just sat down to write this post. It took me until now to finish my project and unfortunately:
1. I have ugly photos because it is dark and gloomy ;)
2. The scan doesn’t look better because the buttons are too thick so the paper wasn’t flat.
I might came back tomorrow morning and replace these pictures. Would that be considered cheating? Ha, ha.
I planned something totally different for today. It was supposed to be a Magician’s Head on plywood, but it is a long story and I don’t have the time to go there today. While I was procrastinating my work on the Magician’s Head I checked on Lis’ blog and as soon as I read the title of her weekly reflection I knew that the head had no chance today. So “off with his head” I said and I went on a journey called “Finding Home”.
I was sharing my thoughts on immigration with a Wise Woman last year. During our conversation I discovered that I’m tired of repeating my story again and again. For the first time I realized that I have a “story”, and I’m not saying it in a positive way. I’m talking about my attachment to a particular story. The story goes like this: immigration is a difficult process, I couldn’t speak, nobody understood me, poor me blablablablabla bla bla blabla, but I was brave and look at me now balblablablabla... bla!
I decided to immediately end with this story, detach myself from it once and for good. So, I shared my golden thought with the Wise Woman and she was happy for me. But then she said, “It looks like you don’t feel at home”. I thought that she misunderstood me. I said that I don’t miss my country all that badly, and that I created a family here and...” It turned out that it was me who did not understand. The Wise Woman said, “I wasn’t talking about your home/place, I was saying that your soul doesn’t feel at home”.
Yes, she got me. It hit me very hard, even though I always knew that home is not a place, or not only a place, or that to say “I am at home” you don’t even need to have a home...
But there is a difference between knowing and feeling and between thinking that you know and truly knowing.
A huge difference.
So, I still search for my home, Dear Fi.
Cheating or not I replaced the pictures. Now, since the sun is out I can even add this ;)