Step Fifty Two: Seriously, the last one?

Dear Fi,

It took me quite long (like: forever) to decide what to do for my last post. I really liked your idea about creating something for each other, to exchange the gifts when we meet. I actually loved that idea, because it makes our meeting look more tangible than ever ;) However, the process of deciding on my fifty second step was agonizing. I knew that I won't have much time on Tuesday so I started to work on this project on Sunday. I wasn't sure what I wanted exactly, but I knew a few things.

1. mixed media piece
2. something to hang up but not a painting
3. using red and gold
4. incorporate a "special" button - the same one I used in my first post (I had only two of them, and somehow using this button for the last post seemed to me like my personal sort of closure)
5. the phrase "follow your dreams" popped up in my mind and even though it sounds like such a cliche, I couldn't help not to using it

It was really enough information to get excited and start the "last" (at least in this format) journey.
The idea of trying something I have always wanted to do, but never did came up and I thought that it would be really great for this particular project. Instead of using a frame I wanted to use a cardboard as background for this piece and later attach a wire with some additional "cute things" so you could easily hang it wherever you want.

At this point I got really excited. I searched through my art supplies and started gluing stuff to that cardboard only to find out about five minutes later that everything I glued shrank, wilted and looked really ugly. So, I was very disappointed by my first attempt - the poor effect almost made me cry. I had already spent a few hours on thinking, preparing, and working on the project and it seemed like I wouldn't be able to use it after all.

So, I decided to start a new project, and to do something on paper first and then find a way to incorporate it to the cardboard or piece of wood or something. Since I had used some materials I really liked and I didn't have more them (the Chinese paper with cute red flowers) I changed the palette. However, after working on this new piece for a quite a bit, I found out that the wilting effect was temporary!!! so now I had two pieces in the early stages of development, Sunday was gone and I didn't take any pictures of my work.

So, today my Dear Fi I came from work and started to work on the first project. Since it was already late, and dark outside, I decided not to worry about the fact that I will take some ugly pictures later. Instead I decided that during the weekend I will take some decent pictures with decent lighting and then I will repost them. But for today this is what I have.

I don't know what to say now, except it really feels weird and kind of unbelievable that I am posting the last step today. When we started this project I actually never thought about the end ha, ha. There are so many things  I would like to thank you for my Dear Fi!!! I will try to downsize it to a few "main" things - otherwise I wouldn't have a chance to sleep tonight ;) he, he.

First of all I would like to thank you for agreeing to do this project with me, it was one of my dreams and you've helped me to realise it. That is huge!.

Second, thank you for showing up every week and for being so patient with me. I really have no idea how you managed with me being late so many times, with not having time to comment on your post properly (by the way this is what I'm planning to do on Tuesdays now ha, ha). Most of all, I really don't know how you could stand my whining and complaining for the entire year!!! You must be a saint! I really appreciate that you were so understanding of my weekly failures... and being here on time - you have no idea how much it motivated me to keep going despite of all the time when I felt guilty and bad about not managing to post. Thank you.

Third, I had so much fun and excitement every week with you Dear Fi! You've inspired me and surprised so many times with your projects, innovations and creativity!!! and you know that I loved reading all the stories you've shared here.

I am really glad and grateful that we did it together, Dear Fi. I am also proud of us ha, ha.

I have learned a lot about myself during this year, about the way I create, about some of my limitations, and the things that excite me the most. I also did some exploring and some "deepening" in using various media. The one thing I confirmed for myself is the fact that I cannot live without creating - the quality of my life is not the same without art in it. I might not post my paintings anymore but I will still paint, experiment, search, try, explore and create - that I am sure of. I've noticed that I feel more brave and confident now, than I felt when we started this blog. After all, it feels good to have completed this project (and who knows what is waiting for us around the corner?!).

So, thank you again Dear Fi for journeying with me for the past year, it had been an extraordinary experience!!!

Love :***

Sylvia

P.S.
Do not forget to FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!!

UPDATE!

Dear Fi,

It's Sunday February 6th... and instead of reposting the pictures I decided to add a few of hopefully better quality. Last Tuesday felt weird...I still cannot come around to the fact that we are done. It will probably take me a while to adjust ;) During this week I found another gift of our 52 steps. It was my hope that our project would help me to develop the habit of finding the time to create at least on a weekly basis and I already did a small project yesterday. I really had the need to create, hopefully it won't change ;)

Love :*

Sylvia

Step Fifty One: The last ten minute painting ;)

Dear Fi,

I had great plans to do something "special" for the last two posts. However, it took me so long to finally finish writing my paper, that before I knew it the weekend was gone. The week started and now every morning I head to work at the women's shelter, and I come back in the evening to eat dinner, put the kids to bed and fall asleep with them ;)

BTW, I love my new practicum, I've only been there since last week but every day I learn so many things, I cannot believe how much there is to learn!!! That's so exciting! The less exciting part is the fact that when I come back from work I do not have much energy left.

So, today I've decided to make the ten minute painting because it was the only way to be here and post, and because it will be the last one ;) I hope I will have some time during the weekend to prepare my last post. I have no clue what it might be. I'm curious how our journey will "end". However, I do not believe in endings - I believe in change and transformation instead ;)

So, My Dear Fi, see you next week for the Grand Finale :) ha, ha

Love :*
Sylvia

P.S.
I love your crochet flowers, I have no idea how you were able to make them??!! Do you remember my attempt at crochet? Your flowers are the masterpieces in comparison to Danbo's eco-bag!
P.S.
BTW, great title for the post ha, ha. I love it!

Step Fifty: A little garland with my word for 2011

Happy Blissful New Year my Dear Fi!

Can you guess my word for 2011 from the picture above?

Hint: It has five letters... Ha, ha!

For the last week of 2010 the word "playful" was on my mind. Probably because the year 2010 was quite challenging for me; too much stress, too much complaining, tiredness, seriousness, and whining. So the word "playful" for 2011 seemed like a winner ;) But then I woke up on the first of January and the word was gone... together with the whole idea of choosing a word for a year.

I was quite surprised by this shift. Not only did I not feel that I wanted to stick with the word "playful", but I also didn't feel any need for choosing a word anymore. But then as my day went by a new word picked me...

Alive. 

There is a lot meaning behind this word {for me}. It is actually hard to grasp. I hope one day I will ;) I am not in the mood for sharing today and I do not want to write a deep reflection here. Simply put, it is a powerful and vibrant word for me, especially because lately I felt so drained that now I am drawn in the opposite direction. I want to be alive and feel alive!

What I like about this word the most is that aliveness requires having energy but it is not about doing, it is more about being, feeling, experiencing... Being alive means also being in the moment and appreciate and agree on whatever life brings. Being alive is a gift. At least this is what it means for me. 

I had many ideas for illustrating the word "playfulness" since I spent some time with this word already. However, the ideas did not transfer well to my new word. Yet, I wanted to do something to connect with this word, and to have some tangible representation, so I could just look at it and be reminded of the direction I am heading. 

I woke up this morning with the thought of doing a small garland with my word. I didn't have much time for today's project. I have scheduled too many appointments before my new practicum starts, so I was in and out for the entire day. When I finally finished the garland it was late for taking good pictures and I wished you could send your friend over to teach me some brilliant lessons on lighting ;)

Did you pick your word for 2011?

Love :*

Sylvia

Step Forty Nine: A gift...

Dear Fi,

As you can see I am very desperate determined to post this step before tomorrow ;) However, it is not so much about starting the New Year with a "clean slate" (for that, it would be more appropriate if I finished writing my paper... and if I had done it a long time ago ha, ha). I think it is more about a proper closure to 2010.

For the last post this year I decided to post pictures. No, not because I wanted to have one more step easily done ha, ha ;) As I was reflecting on this year, I realised how important photography has become in my life. Suddenly, I realised that for the last year and a half my life has become enriched by taking pictures in ways I would have never predicted.

While I was working on editing the pictures for this post I noticed how immersed I was in the creative process, how time does not matter, and how much I enjoyed experimenting. I finally admitted to myself that I like to take pictures and then to play with them; even though most of the time I have no clue what I am doing. Probably because of this "not-knowing" I feel free to experiment. I am not a photographer, I am an amateur and a learner, so I can allow more room for mistakes and less for criticism and self-judgment. This combination is so rare... it does not translate to my painting or writing...

So today my Dear Fi, I am posting digital pictures on purpose.

I was inspired by this shiny ornament I received from not so Secret Santa and wanted to capture the magic it brought to my life. So, I tried different things to do this. I took many pictures, I adjusted the object or my perspective, I waited for the light. But mostly, I was in a different world.

When I say that I become immersed in the process, I mean that I forget about everything else. I become very focused and I work quickly. I feel the excitement and some kind of "rush" or "high" ;) After downloading the pictures more fun begins. I can sit for hours with enormous patience and experiment. While playing with the pictures I disappear again. Time does not exist anymore. Doing this kind of work allows me to be playful and it is fun. I have been programmed to work hard, so taking pleasure in doing things that come easily to me seems like there is no value; like it is not "real" work. However, it is a joyful and exciting process for me... an undervalued gift...

As I said, I am not a photographer. In fact I have never owned any camera or took much pictures before our Unravelling class in summer 2009 (except for taking dull pictures of my cute children with my husband's camera). But I always wanted to have my own camera. For many years getting camera and learning how to operate it was my dream. I have my camera now and even though I still do not know how to use it at least I can experiment ;)

Through different projects I discovered that taking pictures nourishes my creativity, helps me to reflect on and to document my life. It is an instrument for my inner growth. Besides, Dear Fi, if not for photography we  probably would have never "met".

I am grateful for this and I want to honour this today.

Love :*
Sylvia

P.S.
My Dear, I wish you a wonderful Year 2011!!!

Step Forty Eight: Homemade Christmas Cookies {Story in pictures}

Dear Fi,

I won't write many words for this post. First of all I managed to make the cookies (with some help, as you will see!). Second, I took 169 photos of the entire process of creating, baking, decorating and displaying... Then I managed to choose!!! some of the photos, edit and resize them for the need of this post. So, I think it is justifiable to tell the story of making our first Christmas cookies in pictures ;)

What I can tell you though is:

1. We all had a great time through the entire process!!!
2. My children mastered the icing application {I was totally surprised how poor my skills were in comparison to theirs}.
3. The cookies turned out to be very tasty {even the ones with rainbow colours and variety of decorative sprinkles - I can attest because I ate them all a few of them}.
3. The recipe for the cookies came from Poland and my lovely aunt Teresa dictated the recipe to me via Skype.
4. I won't share it only because I don't feel like spending another half an hour translating the recipe {he, he}.
5. I would send you a few cookies, but you understand Dear Fi, that they would probably not survive the journey across the ocean. Anyway they did not last long here either. Extinction of the last one was captured here ;)

Love:*

Sylvia

P.S.

Ta-dam! The last picture!

Step Forty Seven: Flamenco Dancer

Dear Fi,

It is hard to believe that December is almost over! Soon our 52 steps project will be over too... Three posts for December (for me) and three more weeks in January - that is all that is left... If there is one thing I've learned during our journey it is the fact that it is not hard to create every week, what is hard, and what takes more time than the actual creation is writing, preparing photos, and publishing.

The pictures for my posts were imprisoned in my camera since my Mac died on me again (sic!!!) at the beginning of December and nobody had the time to take it somewhere to fix it. I uploaded all pictures to my cute but small tiny microscopic netbook which is not designed to work with pictures and it also doesn't have any programs for editing them. I spent a few hours trying to choose and edit the pictures for the step 47 and 48 {believe me painting and making Christmas cookies took me less time... ha, ha}.

In both cases when I finally finished my projects it was late and the last thing I wanted to do was to edit pictures and write about my work he, he. Unfortunately, most of the pictures I took were dark and I knew that it would take me forever additional time to fix it, unless I just give up on them and post them straight from my camera. But the pictures were huge, so I needed to resize them anyway...  and with the end of semester (my practicum evaluation and papers writing) and with Christmas approaching... I just left everything as it was Dear Fi and I didn't post at all.

So, finally here I am posting my December posts.

The pictures below show the process of creating this painting. The title comes from my husband {at a certain point this is what he saw in this painting and as he confirmed - he can still see the dancer in movement}. I wanted to play with the idea of covering colours with white, as I did in my other step. The reds and purples were "calling" me for a quite a bit lately, so I decided to use the strong colours as a background. I really enjoyed using a painting board for this project.

After finishing the background I chose various papers and covered them in gold, red and purple, I wanted to glue some paper scraps to my painting. 

After tearing a few scraps and gluing them to the painting I started to cover the background in white. I also used some wooden tools to carve on the top of the white layer, so the background colours would show up. While painting I decided to add more scraps. 

After covering the background in white I started to play with some pastels and paints to add some details. 

Then I blended more colours to the top white layer. 

{This is when my husband saw the painting and said that he sees a woman dancing and that apparently she is a Flamenco dancer ha, ha. Apparently, the gold scraps represent her hands in motion}.

At this point I didn't like the end effect (not because all I could see was the Flamenco dancer now!). I didn't like the gold scraps. They were too big. This is why trying to lessen their presence I added more stuff. 

Too bad the pictures were taken late, because even with all that editing, the colours don't show properly. I'm not very happy with the end result. However, I was very happy with the process. I really enjoyed playing with all these various mediums and I really had fun while working on this piece.

I do not have a title for this piece, so this is why I used my husband's idea ha, ha. However, what I see in this painting is movement and aliveness, so somehow it might represent "A Dance of Life" ;)

Love :*

Sylvia 

Step Forty Six: Tree

Dear Fi,

My plan for today was to post all of my December posts. Yes, that was the plan. However, there were also other things I wanted to do today too ;) It is late, we just came back from our anniversary dinner and are supposed to watch a movie together. So, all I can do is to try to post as much as I can. I have four posts ready to upload and publish, if I can just post this one today it will be great.

The picture above is one of my old drawings I found a few weeks ago and decided to bring back to life. I wanted to draw it with black ink or marker and then add some colours here and there. As you can see (below) it didn't go according to my plan ha, ha, ha. I just drew the tree and then ran out of time and decided to leave it as it was.

I hope that you had a great time and survived the Christmas craziness with a smile, this is what I was trying to do for the last couple of weeks. I didn't want to take a break from our steps, but I had no time for posting, and I still have one more paper to finish... However, I want badly to update my steps before the new year, so see you soon!!! 

Love :*

Sylvia

Step Forty Five: Crochet challenge

Dear Fi,

Crochet was on my 2010 list, and on my 52 steps list, and popped up from time to time in my thoughts during the year. To be honest, I didn’t think I would give it a try. I like to learn new things but it is more manageable when the circumstances are favorable ha, ha. I mean: time and peace of mind instead of hectic schedule, evaluations and the end of the semester. Also, I suspect that it is much easier to work with decent supplies... so this is why I won’t mention the brand of the kit I purchased for my first ever crochet endeavor. Of course I didn’t expect great quality while buying a kit for an 8 year old girl. However, I honestly expected some clear and simple instructions. 

I WAS WRONG!!!

It took me forever to start the first chain, and believe me it was not with the help of an illustration or any instructions. It was because of the five minutes of trying and trying very hard ha, ha. So, after the first five minutes I knew that instead of presenting you one of those cute, beautiful and colourful squares (I see and admire here and there in the blogosphere) I would need to try my best to proceed with the simplest chain square.

However...

Things went wrong ha, ha. 

I would love to blame that plastic crochet hook and the cheap sample of yarn included in this set, however we both know that it would be silly he, he.

So I watched how the supposed square becomes shapeless the more I try to “fix” it... When the square starts to remind of a small circle I invited Danbo and promised to make a cute winter hat for him. 

What did I think??? 

That I would have time to crochet throughout the night to keep my careless promise? 

Poor Danbo he was so excited!

To save face I tried to outsmart myself. Can you guess how?

Can you guess now? Ha, ha!

So, instead of a cool and cute winter hat for Danbo I ended up with a formless purplish red old-fashioned bag Barbie wouldn’t ever wear...   

As you can see below my lovely Danbo was quite disappointed with the outcome too...  Despite of his dissatisfaction he agreed to pose with the bag.

I took many pictures of him with the hope of capturing a better grin on his face... 

with no success...

Ha, ha :)

Love :*

Sylvia

P.S.

Despite of this unsuccessful “first attempt” with crochet I can tell you that even with that poor effect I really enjoyed it. So, learning crochet will definitely end up on my 2011 list. Preferably thought by somebody, hopefully by somebody with tones of patience ;)