Friday, December 31, 2010

Step Forty Nine: A gift...

Dear Fi,

As you can see I am very desperate determined to post this step before tomorrow ;) However, it is not so much about starting the New Year with a "clean slate" (for that, it would be more appropriate if I finished writing my paper... and if I had done it a long time ago ha, ha). I think it is more about a proper closure to 2010.

For the last post this year I decided to post pictures. No, not because I wanted to have one more step easily done ha, ha ;) As I was reflecting on this year, I realised how important photography has become in my life. Suddenly, I realised that for the last year and a half my life has become enriched by taking pictures in ways I would have never predicted.

While I was working on editing the pictures for this post I noticed how immersed I was in the creative process, how time does not matter, and how much I enjoyed experimenting. I finally admitted to myself that I like to take pictures and then to play with them; even though most of the time I have no clue what I am doing. Probably because of this "not-knowing" I feel free to experiment. I am not a photographer, I am an amateur and a learner, so I can allow more room for mistakes and less for criticism and self-judgment. This combination is so rare... it does not translate to my painting or writing...

So today my Dear Fi, I am posting digital pictures on purpose.

I was inspired by this shiny ornament I received from not so Secret Santa and wanted to capture the magic it brought to my life. So, I tried different things to do this. I took many pictures, I adjusted the object or my perspective, I waited for the light. But mostly, I was in a different world.

When I say that I become immersed in the process, I mean that I forget about everything else. I become very focused and I work quickly. I feel the excitement and some kind of "rush" or "high" ;) After downloading the pictures more fun begins. I can sit for hours with enormous patience and experiment. While playing with the pictures I disappear again. Time does not exist anymore. Doing this kind of work allows me to be playful and it is fun. I have been programmed to work hard, so taking pleasure in doing things that come easily to me seems like there is no value; like it is not "real" work. However, it is a joyful and exciting process for me... an undervalued gift...

As I said, I am not a photographer. In fact I have never owned any camera or took much pictures before our Unravelling class in summer 2009 (except for taking dull pictures of my cute children with my husband's camera). But I always wanted to have my own camera. For many years getting camera and learning how to operate it was my dream. I have my camera now and even though I still do not know how to use it at least I can experiment ;)

Through different projects I discovered that taking pictures nourishes my creativity, helps me to reflect on and to document my life. It is an instrument for my inner growth. Besides, Dear Fi, if not for photography we  probably would have never "met".

I am grateful for this and I want to honour this today.

Love :*

My Dear, I wish you a wonderful Year 2011!!!

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