Step Eleven: Cute and useless...

Dear Fi,

I thought about today’s post on Sunday. I wanted to choose something easy, and totally opposite to “time consuming”. There are so many things going on right now in my life that I feel I’m on a spinning wheel, and the worst part is I don’t see a way of stopping this wheel. I dream about learning how to do nothing. Nothing, Dear Fi. Not even reading - one of my favourite things to do. I want to say “no” to thinking, “no” to doing. I want to say “yes” to being, and “yes” to breathing.

Last month I scheduled a massage appointment for last Sunday. I knew that it would be the most needed at that time. I don’t want to list all of the things I have been doing lately, because it really doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that I was able to relax for maybe five minutes of the entire {90 minute} massage. The remaining time I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I shouldn’t be having this massage {since there are thousands of things to do} and about all the things I should be doing right now instead of lying down and trying to relax. So, I couldn’t stop my mind from spinning, and I was mad at myself for not being able to do so. I think that in the end it will be much easier for me to say to my masseur to stop and let me go, than to say it in my mind.

If you wonder, my Dear Fi why I’m writing about this here, this is my explanation. My art is closely tied to my life. This is the way I express myself. So, that Sunday evening I came up with the idea for this post. I thought about creating a paper crown with the slogan “I am worthy” somehow incorporated into it. I simply saw a crown with the words stamped on it. In the end, the lost battle with my mind was all about that, not deserving to take the time for myself because there were important things waiting to be done. At the same time, reaching the point of extreme emotional exhaustion I knew that taking the time for myself was the only right thing to do. So, for some the crown I made today may be cute and useless, for me it is also a reminder: to take better care of myself, and to let it go and let it be.

There was a man whose words I really enjoy reading. Some call him enlightened, some call him a deceiver ;) I don’t care. He has a great explanation to my story, just listen:

"If you know how to relax then nothing can disturb you. If you don’t know how to relax then everything will disturb you - and I say everything. It is not really something in particular that disturbs you, everything is just an excuse. You are almost always ready to be disturbed. If one thing doesn’t disturb you, then something else will; you will get disturbed. You are ready, you have a tendency to get disturbed. If all the causes are withdrawn from you, even then you will get disturbed. You will create some cause. If nothing comes from without, you will create something from within - some thought, some idea - and you will get disturbed. But you need excuses.

Once you know how to relax, nothing can disturb you." {OSHO}


So, as for my project. Even though I did enjoy creating this cute little crown it was a time consuming endeavor. The problem was, once I had started I just couldn’t stop adding another layer, another bead or another dot to it. If not for the fact that the crown itself is totally useless and hard to display I might do more of them. I have ideas for at least another 51 of them ;) So, who knows maybe next year you will work on your cranes and I will work on my crowns ha, ha.

:*

Sylvia

P.S.
I couldn't resist ;) After all, maybe the crown is not entirely useless...