Step Twenty Four: Paper cutting dreams

Dearest (imaginary friend) Sylwi!


:-)


Anybody ho-ooommmme?! ha ha! It's a bit weird, knowing that you're not going to be here today! The blog feels a bit empty! {sob}


I miss you. :-(


How is your holiday going? (Just on the crazy off chance that you have a tent with internet access!) :-))))


So... today turned out a bit different than expected. 


About a year ago, I was inspired by a very cute post on the 'elephant with a pen' blog, run by the lovely artista, Barbara!

She drew a picture of how she felt, to illustrate that she had many fresh, exciting ideas buzzing around her head. She called the ideas butterflies. I loved the image it created in my mind and knew exactly how she felt. 


Some days, I have so many diverse ideas flying around my head. If I don't write them down immediately, I forget them... some of them, I'll never remember again. They're just gone.


So, I bought myself a moleskine and began writing the ideas down. Since then, I've always had a project in the back of my mind -  a cover for the book, with a little girl and a net chasing butterflies and the words, "Catch your dreams while you can!"


Today, I was going to try printing or painting the image, but somehow,  when I reached out for the paint box, I picked up my knife instead! ;-) I began cutting the image, using the knife to draw the outlines of the girl. 


At first, I was surprised that the technique was working - it was just like drawing, but with a knife instead of a pen... but then, I began to realise, it was almost like creating a stencil... and I didn't really enjoy it that much. It was brilliant fun to experiment, but I think this is a technique that I won't spend much time with. 

I also experimented with cutting some shapes and bending them outwards (like the ribbons on the girl's dress and the butterflies), to give a bit of movement. 


I didn't like the bow so much, but the butterflies turned out ok - although they're so tiny, they're pretty fiddly.

I had meant to keep today simple, just leaving it as a girl and butterflies, but I got a bit carried away with adding a border! :-) I'm not sure it all goes together very well, but it was a lot of fun experimenting...

As I hadn't planned it before I began (AGAIN!!! When will I learn?!) :-)))) ... the text got a bit squished in and looks a bit odd, but whatever! At least I spelled it right! ha ha! (Don't laugh, spelling backwards is hard!) 


It's no use as a book cover - cut paper is too fragile for that; catching on everything and trapping dust... especially all of those teeny butterfly wings!

Maybe next week, I'll finally follow the original plan and get round to some printing! :-)


See you soooon - hope you're having a fantastic time.
Lots and lots of love
Fi
xx

Step Twenty Three: 30 second drawing {it is all the RedBull fault! Seriously...}

Dear Fi,

I know... lame. But all I have for today is a 30 second drawing, which I scanned and attempted to make it “say something” by using Picnik. Ha, ha. Not even Photoshop...

At least the words I chose totally resonate with me :)

I blame the RedBull I drank yesterday. Yes it was helpful and I was able to finish my paper and felt light and free until 2AM ;) I even felt that way in my dream. Oh! I had such a beautiful dream!!! Looks like all that time spent on commenting in our pool yesterday payed off ha, ha. However, the one thing about me and the RedBull is the fact that the next day is really unpleasant. I don’t know maybe it is just me, but I felt drained all day today. So, I decided to take it slow but then unexpectedly things started happen... and things got complicated... and I needed to take care of totally unplanned things... and this of course stole my time for posting...

So, first I panicked but then I did this drawing, and contemplated if I wanted to paint it or not. I knew that if I chose to paint it might take me forever. I was sure that I would add some gluing and sewing and who knows what else. It was tempting, but then I decided to be honest with myself. I didn’t have time to work more on this today. I decided to play with the leaf in Picnik for a few minutes and then stop.

Leaving that poor leaf “as it is” completely hurt my ego...

ego: a stupid leaf??? C’mon! You can do better.
me: yes I know I can do better, but not now.
ego: you’re kidding, yes?
me: nope!
ego: you cannot be serious, that is so “not you”!
me: ouch! that hurts... (he, he)
ego: the most unimpressive post ever.
me: unfortunately you’re right.
ego: you will regret it!!!
me: who knows, I might...



My Dear Fi... The good thing is, that at least I didn’t miss the post ;)

Love :*

Sylvia

P.S.
I’m leaving in two days. I decided to post something from Osoyoos, BC next Tuesday, but I have no idea how it will go and if I will be able to do this. I don’t want to pre-post something for next week, but it might end with no posting at all. However, I will prepare something, and if I won’t be able to find an internet connection, I will post it next next Tuesday (after I came back).
P.S.’
I still want to do the “thing” I have planned for last time, but it will take me muuuuuch more than 30 seconds, so I couldn’t do this today, and I won’t take it with me. So it must wait for the right moment ;)

Step Twenty Three: Underwater paper cutting adventures! :-)

Dearest Sylwi,


My fingers hurt... and so does my head after so much concentrating! There really wasn't time to do this properly (this should have taken days to do properly, not rushed through in a few hours), but here it is anyway! 


No words today, just pictures that speak for themselves! :-)

OK, maybe a few words, just to send you... lots and lots and lots of love :-)
Fi
xx

Step Twenty-Two: Ten minute painting and writing issues...

Dear Fi,

It was supposed to be something adventurous and not a 10 minute painting.
However, Dear Fi, I cannot even tell you exactly what I wanted to do today.
And how adventurous it might have become.
Because.
I have no idea how it would have turned out.
If I had the time to work on it today.
I want to find the time to work on this for the next post.
{Keep your pretty fingers crossed, please.}

So, instead of going wild I went simple today. A ten minute painting was all I could afford. Not that I didn’t want to challenge myself (o yes, it was supposed to be a challenging task) but because I am writing another paper for my class, and because it is the end of the school year (preschooler and kindergarten alert!) and our vacation is approaching fast. {By the way, I will disappear in two weeks and I haven’t even come up with a solution for what to do with my post while camping in BC. I still have some time, so hopefully I will figure it out}.

Now, the hard part...

I tried to silence that voice but it is quite strong, and I decided to let it speak. Ha, ha!!! Dear Fi, I cannot stand my writing for this blog. It is purposeless, and clueless. I usually don’t have the time to sit and think, I just have enough time - after spending a lot of time on creating things - to sit and write one futile page in a hurry. I came to the point of questioning the reason for posting. Not the whole post, only the writing part. I do not feel like I have anything interesting, important, or at least funny to say every Tuesday. I wish I had, though ;)

It is not that I don’t like to write, I do. But I just cannot stand myself writing purposelessly. And this is how I feel about my posts. I love the process of writing, but it is a process for me. So while ten minutes is OK to paint “something” to get it out from the inside, thirty minutes it is not enough to write something sensible. Not only because English is my second language, but mostly because the process cannot be forced to resonate deeply, it must flow, and develop, it cannot be squeezed like paint from a tube. Writing is a way of giving a voice to the soul. If there is no good story, or a good point, or a good laugh, why write? I feel that I am missing the point with my posts, and I often feel embarrassed by this. Ha, ha. Seriously.

{I am laughing now because it feels much better to just put this out there instead of hiding behind it. And no! please don’t try to be nice and don’t tell me how much you love my writing, this is not why I am writing this. Beside I won't believe you anyway.}

So this is all from me today. I have no idea what I will be writing about next time. Maybe about being busy trying to fit all our stuff into the car before heading to Osoyoos, BC for ten days of vacation? First time with our children, first time in seven years...

Or maybe you will have some golden advice for me, or maybe I will find some new avenue... like... writing backwards, or only nouns, or one word only, or... in Polish he, he, he ;) Although I am not sure if my Polish, after many years of not using it in writing, would be any better than my English is right now. I recently discovered the reason for being so resentful to write in my journal for the past few years. I couldn’t write in Polish because it didn’t feel/sound like me anymore. But I also couldn't write in English because I was unable to fully express myself in this language.

The good news is that recently I started to keep a journal again after all those years of trying to write and switching languages. I write in English now and it feels right but I wish I could be more precise in describing my feelings, and use more sophisticated and juicy words he, he. I am bored with the same words I am using all the time, I feel kind of stuck. Maybe it is a time to take some English classes, or a creative writing course? But when oh when my Dear? ha, ha, ha.

:*

Sylvia

Step Twenty Two: Handing over creative control to my subconscious

Dearest Sylwi,


I woke up really early this morning, after a very vivid nightmare. It's the not the first one this week, but it's the first one of this sort. I dreamt that I drowned. 


It all happened very quickly - I was on a pontoon, stepping onto a small, rowing boat, the boat rocked violently and I fell into the water. As I went under, I relaxed, knowing that panicking would not help and I got ready to swim to the shore. 


Instead, I could not swim, but just sank like a stone to the bottom of a very, very deep lake. As I sank, I watched the light from the surface get further and further away and I could hear the muffled cries of the people on the shore. They were calling to Allah to help!! 


{ "Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice!" ;-))) }


As I sank deeper, I suddenly realised that no-one would dive this deep to come and rescue me. It was all over. I tried to take my last breath, but my lungs filled with water and I died... 


...and then, I woke up. :-)


I really had no clue what to do today for my Step Twenty Two, so I handed control over to my subconscious. My nightmare was really on my mind as I painted. 

{Grrr... blogger makes diptychs so teeeeeensy! Here are the individual sides - a bit bigger!}

I was hoping it would be a relief to get it out of my head and onto paper! :-) 

At the beginning of May, I had an image in my head... it stayed with me for about a week and really seemed to be blocking my thoughts. I felt like all of my creative inspiration was queueing up behind it. I had no idea what it meant, so, I decided to do the same thing as I did today - paint it out of my head. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, so I was curious to see what would happen if I got it down onto paper.

I roughly recreated it as best I could see it. The bit on the bottom right had some kind of line drawing, a lighthouse, or rocks, or something. I couldn't see it very clearly, so didn't draw it. 

Anyway, with it out of my head, I felt a release and it stopped playing on my mind. 

On the news a week later, they covered a story about a helicopter that took part in a sea rescue and I suddenly realised that the blue and red circle, is the roundel used by the Royal Air Force. It was stamped on the back of the sea rescue helicopter!

My subconscious clearly seems to be stuck on the drowning theme at the moment! ha ha ha! Maybe it's telling me that I need to steer clear of water for the foreseeable future! ;-) 

Anyway, I'm not sure that painting these images out of my head helps much. :-) If anything, it makes me feel like I'm a bit crazy! :-) At least, it gave me a step for today, so I am grateful. 

I've never done this before - just gone with the flow and painted what I felt like. It's a very alien concept... almost like it's something we're discouraged from doing as we grow up... like it's a luxury, or self-indulgent (unless you take art, or creative classes, where it's encouraged).

I'm hopping up and down on one foot, desperate to see what you come up with this week. :-) It's very exciting to hear about your feelings at the moment and see them translated into your work.

Will be back first thing tomorrow to see what you post. It's such a special treat on a Wednesday morning to check the blog to see what you've done! Such a great way for me to start my day. :-)

Take care. Lots and lots of love

Fi

xx

Step Twenty-One: A new month - a new commitment...

Dear Fi,

Shakespeare wrote “we know what we are, but know not what we may be” and this is what I am contemplating lately. I am not sure if I entirely agree with him, because for one, sometimes I have no clue who I am; and for two sometimes I think I know who I might become. So it is not simply black and white either way. I already wrote about things that are emerging for me, even though I didn’t know what they are. I also wrote about going deeper and taking better care of myself. So, finally I can tell you Dear Fi, that something emerged for me, for real.

It is rare for me to see so clearly and feel what I need to do. I live in a hurry, I'm a master of multitasking, caught up in my busyness, in crossing things off my various lists. So it is not that easy for me to just stop and be still. Not easy at all. But I finally feel ready to stop {and it only took me 37 years of my life ha, ha, ha}.

I am drawn to silence, I am drawn to stillness. I totally am. And it is not because I should, not because it would be good for me (even though I’m sure it will be), not because of the many other “because”...  I finally feel the intrinsic need, the need which is coming out of my very own core, my heart and my soul. So, no need to push me...

I am talking about truly taking care of myself, and about going deeper and about letting more things to clearly emerge. I feel ready to see them. The ugliness, the beauty. The truth. I am talking about inviting stillness to my everyday life. I am talking about something I tried to do for so many years, on and off, using many different techniques, learning from various teachers etc. But it never felt like my true call, my very own need. It was always external.

Today I feel naturally drawn to stillness. I can recognize the many layers I live in and move through. And I am able to see the small crack that emerged in my busyness and my craziness. Through this tiny little gap quietness is approaching and changing how I live, what and how I see, think, feel, do...

I decided to commit to small changes, to add a few baby steps to my daily routine. I was contemplating on this for the last couple of days and I came up with the idea {partially inspired by Marianne} of a 30 day commitment. I want to do some work around this newly emerged fracture. I am dedicating some time every morning and every evening to invite stillness into my life. I want to see what happens.

I started today...

When you lose touch with your inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. {Eckhart Tolle}

:*

Sylvia

Step Twenty-One: Copper clouds

Dearest Sylwi,


Well, here we are again! :-)))) The weeks fly by so fast, sometimes it feels like I've just managed to relax from the last Tuesday's escapades, when I have to start all over again!


This week turned out a bit like last week for me. More exploring, rather than creating. Which is what makes it so hard to post. I feel like I'm posting half of an idea... and no idea what the next half would be... but, I enjoyed doing it, so I should try not to worry about the end result! I guess the process and what I learned is all that matters! :-)


This week I bought Papercraft, by R. Klanten. I think it's a brilliant book! It covers many of my favourite paper artists and introduced me to a few that I'd never heard of. I'm fascinated by all of the different techniques the artists use. It inspired me this week to play around with paper myself.


I began by cutting 6 circles of paper, placing them in a pile and then stitching them together through the centre. It made a sort of paper pom-pom. I thought I might make a few and string them together on a garland... then, I thought, hey! I wonder what that looks like in copper mesh (as you do)! :-)

Not that you can tell from the pic, but actually, I thought it looked / worked really well! :-) 


I'd also heard that copper goes a beautiful rainbow effect colour when you heat it. So, I heated the edges of the mesh over the flame of my gas cooker... and it sorrrrt of went a pretty rainbow colour... but the very edge also went a dull grey - like, I'd maybe overcooked it. :-) Anyway - I'm learning all the time here! A little bit of heat and you get some great colours (you can sort of see them in the pic above - it's really hard to take a pic of).


It's been raining hard here today, so, I decided to make a rain cloud and raindrops out of copper... using this 'pompom' technique above. Initially, I was going to make lots of different sized, little pompoms and hang them all together, to make the cloud shape... and then string raindrops made from copper sheet (and heat them, to make them pretty rainbow colours). That was the plan, but it didn't get that far! 


I ran out of the copper mesh, so will have to try the idea another time. I thought today, though, that I could try it with paper, as a test, to see if it worked or not. 


Instead of making clouds from lots of little pompoms, I thought I'd use the same technique of stacking the shapes and sewing them together through the centre, but instead of lots of circles, I cut cloud shapes.

The idea worked well with paper. I had enough copper sheet left to make raindrops, so I strung them onto my cloud. They looked pretty just as the copper colour, but I decided to go one better ...and in doing so, went one worse! :-)  ... by heating them. For some reason, when I heated them, they didn't colour at all, but just went a burnt, black colour! :-(  *sigh*


I tried to sand the black off, but the raindrops still look horribly dull. Next time, I shall have to remember to heat the metal, before I cut it into shapes. I have no idea why it didn't work - maybe the drops are too small to be able to use that technique and it only works on larger sheets of metal? Anyway. In the pic below, you can see the one raindrop that I cut from a sheet of metal that I heated (before I cut it into a drop) on the right... and the others which I cut first and then heated. Big difference! :-)

I quite like how this type of paper sculpture worked - either as 'full' clouds, hanging from inside a box... or 'half' clouds, stuck onto paper. Very versatile technique.


I wish I had more time to explore everything I learned today (and more copper to play with!) :-) ... but I don't. ha ha! :-)


And that, Dear Sylwi, is my Step 21! :-) Very bizarre, I know. I couldn't possibly have guessed that this is what I would 'create' today when I woke up! :-)


Hope you and the kids are feeling better?


Lots of love
Fi
xx


It's not really cheating if I add this on the same day, is it?! ;-) It's my wedding anniversary today, so I made this up really quickly this evening for my husband.

It's inspired by the fabulous Oded Ezer and his 'I ♥ Milton poster'.  Except his is so cool! :-) Mine's very crude and messy! I totally made life hard for myself by trying to do the heart the way I did the clouds earlier... and it only took about 15 minutes... but I'm excited. Nurturing creativity through this blog is spilling into other areas of my life. :-)


Right, I'm really going this time! No more late additions! :-)


xx