Step Twenty-One: A new month - a new commitment...

Dear Fi,

Shakespeare wrote “we know what we are, but know not what we may be” and this is what I am contemplating lately. I am not sure if I entirely agree with him, because for one, sometimes I have no clue who I am; and for two sometimes I think I know who I might become. So it is not simply black and white either way. I already wrote about things that are emerging for me, even though I didn’t know what they are. I also wrote about going deeper and taking better care of myself. So, finally I can tell you Dear Fi, that something emerged for me, for real.

It is rare for me to see so clearly and feel what I need to do. I live in a hurry, I'm a master of multitasking, caught up in my busyness, in crossing things off my various lists. So it is not that easy for me to just stop and be still. Not easy at all. But I finally feel ready to stop {and it only took me 37 years of my life ha, ha, ha}.

I am drawn to silence, I am drawn to stillness. I totally am. And it is not because I should, not because it would be good for me (even though I’m sure it will be), not because of the many other “because”...  I finally feel the intrinsic need, the need which is coming out of my very own core, my heart and my soul. So, no need to push me...

I am talking about truly taking care of myself, and about going deeper and about letting more things to clearly emerge. I feel ready to see them. The ugliness, the beauty. The truth. I am talking about inviting stillness to my everyday life. I am talking about something I tried to do for so many years, on and off, using many different techniques, learning from various teachers etc. But it never felt like my true call, my very own need. It was always external.

Today I feel naturally drawn to stillness. I can recognize the many layers I live in and move through. And I am able to see the small crack that emerged in my busyness and my craziness. Through this tiny little gap quietness is approaching and changing how I live, what and how I see, think, feel, do...

I decided to commit to small changes, to add a few baby steps to my daily routine. I was contemplating on this for the last couple of days and I came up with the idea {partially inspired by Marianne} of a 30 day commitment. I want to do some work around this newly emerged fracture. I am dedicating some time every morning and every evening to invite stillness into my life. I want to see what happens.

I started today...

When you lose touch with your inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. {Eckhart Tolle}

:*

Sylvia