Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Step Twenty-One: A new month - a new commitment...

Dear Fi,

Shakespeare wrote “we know what we are, but know not what we may be” and this is what I am contemplating lately. I am not sure if I entirely agree with him, because for one, sometimes I have no clue who I am; and for two sometimes I think I know who I might become. So it is not simply black and white either way. I already wrote about things that are emerging for me, even though I didn’t know what they are. I also wrote about going deeper and taking better care of myself. So, finally I can tell you Dear Fi, that something emerged for me, for real.

It is rare for me to see so clearly and feel what I need to do. I live in a hurry, I'm a master of multitasking, caught up in my busyness, in crossing things off my various lists. So it is not that easy for me to just stop and be still. Not easy at all. But I finally feel ready to stop {and it only took me 37 years of my life ha, ha, ha}.

I am drawn to silence, I am drawn to stillness. I totally am. And it is not because I should, not because it would be good for me (even though I’m sure it will be), not because of the many other “because”...  I finally feel the intrinsic need, the need which is coming out of my very own core, my heart and my soul. So, no need to push me...

I am talking about truly taking care of myself, and about going deeper and about letting more things to clearly emerge. I feel ready to see them. The ugliness, the beauty. The truth. I am talking about inviting stillness to my everyday life. I am talking about something I tried to do for so many years, on and off, using many different techniques, learning from various teachers etc. But it never felt like my true call, my very own need. It was always external.

Today I feel naturally drawn to stillness. I can recognize the many layers I live in and move through. And I am able to see the small crack that emerged in my busyness and my craziness. Through this tiny little gap quietness is approaching and changing how I live, what and how I see, think, feel, do...

I decided to commit to small changes, to add a few baby steps to my daily routine. I was contemplating on this for the last couple of days and I came up with the idea {partially inspired by Marianne} of a 30 day commitment. I want to do some work around this newly emerged fracture. I am dedicating some time every morning and every evening to invite stillness into my life. I want to see what happens.

I started today...

When you lose touch with your inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. {Eckhart Tolle}



1 comment:

  1. Ooh, how exciting?! You started today. Wow! Hope you have a wonderful month. I can't wait to see. Are you actually doing Marianne's yoga course as well?! It sounds fantastic! (and I'm not even a yoga person!) :-) A month of self care - truly invaluable! Especially at this moment for you, I think. It feels like there is much change underway! It will be so fascinating to see the work you create...

    I didn't really have time to get online for long this morning, but I sneaked over here anyway (after my much neglected 365), to have a quick peek at your post... then headed over to Marianne's site... got lost there completely, because it all sounds wonderful... and am now DETERMINED to comment here, before I have to drag myself away again. :-)

    {Oh, Sylwi. I know the internet has made the world smaller, but some days it feels like it's made the world overwhelmingly large. I want to be involved, comment, post, join in on so much great 'stuff'... and I could end up spending all of my time online and still not have enough time to do everything there that I wanted! :-) I'm limiting myself to 2 hours of TV / internet time per day at the mo and it is PAINFUL! But necessary. So, just know that I have a ton of emails and comments stored in my head for you... that you'll just have to guess at! ha! ;-) }

    I've been thinking about small steps a lot recently, myself, after Kerstin commented on one of my pics. I really do believe it's the easiest way to change... so easy, that I often overlook it and don't believe in its power.

    I'm so excited to hear how it all goes for you during the month... and hear (and probably see) what comes out of this on the other side! :-)

    Lots of love