Step Twenty Two: Handing over creative control to my subconscious

Dearest Sylwi,


I woke up really early this morning, after a very vivid nightmare. It's the not the first one this week, but it's the first one of this sort. I dreamt that I drowned. 


It all happened very quickly - I was on a pontoon, stepping onto a small, rowing boat, the boat rocked violently and I fell into the water. As I went under, I relaxed, knowing that panicking would not help and I got ready to swim to the shore. 


Instead, I could not swim, but just sank like a stone to the bottom of a very, very deep lake. As I sank, I watched the light from the surface get further and further away and I could hear the muffled cries of the people on the shore. They were calling to Allah to help!! 


{ "Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice!" ;-))) }


As I sank deeper, I suddenly realised that no-one would dive this deep to come and rescue me. It was all over. I tried to take my last breath, but my lungs filled with water and I died... 


...and then, I woke up. :-)


I really had no clue what to do today for my Step Twenty Two, so I handed control over to my subconscious. My nightmare was really on my mind as I painted. 

{Grrr... blogger makes diptychs so teeeeeensy! Here are the individual sides - a bit bigger!}

I was hoping it would be a relief to get it out of my head and onto paper! :-) 

At the beginning of May, I had an image in my head... it stayed with me for about a week and really seemed to be blocking my thoughts. I felt like all of my creative inspiration was queueing up behind it. I had no idea what it meant, so, I decided to do the same thing as I did today - paint it out of my head. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before, so I was curious to see what would happen if I got it down onto paper.

I roughly recreated it as best I could see it. The bit on the bottom right had some kind of line drawing, a lighthouse, or rocks, or something. I couldn't see it very clearly, so didn't draw it. 

Anyway, with it out of my head, I felt a release and it stopped playing on my mind. 

On the news a week later, they covered a story about a helicopter that took part in a sea rescue and I suddenly realised that the blue and red circle, is the roundel used by the Royal Air Force. It was stamped on the back of the sea rescue helicopter!

My subconscious clearly seems to be stuck on the drowning theme at the moment! ha ha ha! Maybe it's telling me that I need to steer clear of water for the foreseeable future! ;-) 

Anyway, I'm not sure that painting these images out of my head helps much. :-) If anything, it makes me feel like I'm a bit crazy! :-) At least, it gave me a step for today, so I am grateful. 

I've never done this before - just gone with the flow and painted what I felt like. It's a very alien concept... almost like it's something we're discouraged from doing as we grow up... like it's a luxury, or self-indulgent (unless you take art, or creative classes, where it's encouraged).

I'm hopping up and down on one foot, desperate to see what you come up with this week. :-) It's very exciting to hear about your feelings at the moment and see them translated into your work.

Will be back first thing tomorrow to see what you post. It's such a special treat on a Wednesday morning to check the blog to see what you've done! Such a great way for me to start my day. :-)

Take care. Lots and lots of love

Fi

xx