Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Step Twenty Eight: Background{s}...

Dear Fi,

No, I didn’t paint a dot today as I considered doing. However... all I was able to do was paint these three green backgrounds. I’m sure you don’t expect me to explain why ha, ha.

I put myself in a very uncomfortable, stressful, demanding, and energy draining situation. So, for the next four weeks I will be going crazy {and probably paint more green backgrounds for you ha, ha}. I hope I will survive and finish my second last class, but to be honest I’m totally overwhelmed and I feel totally burnt out. Why am I doing this to myself? Do I really think that one day I will slow down? What would happen if I said to myself: You know, actually I’m really tired and I need a break. I understand that it will affect many things, for example not graduating next year, but I am asking “Is it really worth it?”

Tomorrow is my son’s sixth birthday, this Saturday he will have his first real party, with friends from kindergarten, in a special place for children. Then my family from Poland will arrive on Sunday to stay for a week. And what will I be doing for the entire time? I will be worrying, dear Fi. I will worry that I won’t have enough time to study, that I won’t be able to truly celebrate with my son, or to enjoy the time with my family.

So, GREEN my Dear Fi. My super Anti-stressor. Only green has the amazing power to calm me down. I love this colour. {The weird thing though is that I am unable to wear green}

I’m 100% sure I won’t have more time next week, than I have now. So, I hope I can use one of these backgrounds I prepared today to paint something for my mom as a birthday gift... But this I won’t know until next Tuesday ;)

I’m sending you love from my crazy spot :*


I’ve already said this, but I must say this again:
And I think you did recreate the pattern of her wings perfectly!!!

1 comment:

  1. Hello you nutter! :-)

    Every time I think that you are finally slowing down and taking on less work, you add something extra to your curriculum! :-))) You are a glutton for punishment! :-) All I can think is, that despite the exhaustion, you are truly feeding and nurturing your soul with all of this learning. You will be the wisest woman in the world very soon, if you carry on like this! ;-)

    So much to say about your post, but first... I love the pics of your hands. I'm particularly fond of these hand pics because it was a picture like these that first connected us.. maybe you don't even know this story?! :-)

    Last Spring, you took photos of yourself (which I now can't find! tut! I'm sad!) ... anyway - you had paint all over your face and it was a visual way to express your desire to connect more fully with your artistic side. Do you remember them? I was so moved by them and their power, I couldn't comment for a while and had to come back at a later date... I was also extremely shy and didn't want to comment... but then found it was futile to resist, there was something stronger pulling me in to comment on those pics. I could never have dreamed that it would lead, eventually, to this blog and a hidden desire of my own to connect to my creative side... er, well, let's not call it a whole creative SIDE, that sounds like there's more than there actually is. ha ha ha ha ha ha! ;-) Anyway, I love those photos of paint on your hands, as they represent the whole story of our friendship! I'm feeling particularly soppy today - I love our space here on this blog. It's such a wonderful way to connect and play. :-*

    How funny that you can't wear green! Does it slow you down too much when you wear it? I can't have green on my walls. I would just sit on the sofa with glazed eyes all day and do nothing. There's something about it that over-soothes me! :-)

    I think these canvases would make gorgeous backgrounds for something for your Mum's birthday. Can't wait to see!

    I was also thinking that maybe one day, we could collaborate on a piece. I was thinking that I could do a papercut of something on white paper, or from the page of a very special book... and then send it to you and you could add it to a piece you were making? I understand if you wouldn't want to - art is so personal... but it's an idea that I quite like, if you fancy trying it! :-)