Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Step Eighteen: Swimming in the Ocean...

Dear Fi,

Since this is an illustration for Patti’s new book I won’t be able to tell you much about what is going on for this little fish here. If this little fish gets to the book, you might read the story for yourself, and if it doesn’t get to the book I can tell you which essay it supposed to illustrate. Deal?

Right now I can tell you that I am surprised that I decided to work on this call for artwork. It is one of those stories about how everything gets in to your way to make sure that you won’t have a chance to meet the deadline ha, ha.

Strange and good things are happening in my life lately... I feel like I am hanging somewhere in between two different dimensions again and cannot decide to which one I belong more. It is a really weird feeling. This feeling is telling me that I know what will happen but at the same time it is telling me that everything can happen so I really don’t know anything. This is why I behave ridicules lately.

I think that it has became apparent to me that I am able to trust myself, and that I began to hear my inner voice more clearly, and strongly. So I am following my intuition with more confidence. It doesn’t mean that everything goes smooth on this side of the ocean now (he, he). What it means is, that the shift allowed me to enjoy my journey. To get to this point took me so many years and I feel like it is just the beginning. It also means that I feel so blessed and that I learn to be grateful for everything (even though the last part doesn't come that easy).

It also means that for another 34 weeks you are hooked up to me and my various theories on “what is going on in my life” on this blog Dear Fi. You might not believe me but every time I write my post I imagine your face and think how disappointed you must have been by reading my words ha, ha!!! Seriously.

I don’t write about art, or about the process of creating my artwork, I don’t teach anything, I don’t even attach any interesting links. All I am doing is writing about myself... how busy I am, how tired I am, what I feel, what I think, and about all this inner crap happening in my life. I should have warned you better what you should expect from me but now it’s kind of TOO LATE.

And I cannot even promise you that it will change because I know that this part of me (who is writing these posts) was there since the beginning and it will be there to the end ha, ha.

So please, bear with me Dear Fi ;)



Now I wish to have something hysterically funny to say to end this post graciously... hm... hopefully in another lifetime ha, ha.

1 comment:

  1. OH! Ohhhhh! I love it! :-)

    You're so funny! Telling me you don't know what you'll have time to create... and then you come up with all of this! :-)

    It's beautiful. The background is so perfect - full of fish and plankton and love the stitches - they're like little shoals of fish... or the shafts of sunlight drifting down through the water. I could point out loads of bits I love, but I won't, or we'll be here all day!

    That looks like a big current behind the fish! :-) I could make up so many stories for this picture - swimming with the current, against it, not even noticing the current... there are a lot of possibilities! (and the essay is probably about none of those!) Oh, this surely has to make it into the book - it's beautiful. Well, anyway, let's wait and see about that, but in the meantime... wow! Did I mention, I love it?! :-)

    Your words made me smile, because isn't that exactly what this blog is for. To just spend time following our hearts and seeing where that leads?! For that to happen, this space needs to be without judgement or expectation, from ourselves (or from each other). I never read your words with disappointment. Quite the opposite. It's a privilege to hear where your ideas come from and to see where they take you creatively. It's enlightening and inspirational. It's also great fun! If anything, I admire your authentic approach to this. I haven't been so open - I still worry about 'end results'.

    I sit on this side of the ocean :-) and think... hmmm, all I do each week is follow instructions given to me by someone else. I don't really create anything - well, nothing that has come from within me.

    I was really worried about that, but then this week, I suddenly thought... I need to go through this learning stage to get to the bit where I can create my own things. What's been holding me back is always putting projects on the shelf for later... almost like, they were so trivial, I didn't deserve to give them time. Or, because I'd never studied art - how to draw, or what materials to use - I thought I wasn't good enough to pick up some supplies and just create something. It seemed self-indulgent somehow! So, I never did anything creative before.

    It seems to be working, as this week, I've been really quite busy with little projects. Things I would never even have attempted, had it not been for the past 18 Steps! :-) So, creativity is starting to be incorporated into my daily life. Which is an incredible step forward for me. :-)

    Thanks for sharing your beautiful pic and words with me this week. You are a constant source of inspiration, surprise and education to me! :-)

    Lots of love